Are you ready for Marvel to usher in the Marvel Age of Comics? I'm not really sure what that means, but it certainly sounds epic! Get ready for Tales of Suspense No. 44!
After TOS43, were you left feeling a little under-satisfied? Maybe there just wasn't enough sexism for you? Well, get ready, because now we're going to have a Cleopatra episode! You know, the historical ruler of Egypt, scientist and philanthropist who spoke multiple languages and did a bunch of stuff to advance technology and culture for the entire human race? Oh, you don't remember her? She's "that hot chick from ancient Egypt." Because, yeah, that's how she's always remembered, despite all of her accomplishments, especially when it comes to depictions in popular media that seem to always focus on her appearance and sexuality -- things that were fairly irrelevant during her actual rule.
But, you know, it would be super weird in our society for people to admit women contributed to history, and after our little episode with Kala last month, I can't say I'm holding my breath for a positive depiction of Cleopatra this time around. But I guess we'll see how that goes.
Don Heck is back on illustration again and has a lot of catching up to do if he wants to surpass Kirby's Handsome Tony run he's got going on. And we still got Berns on the script, too, so at least the writing should be consistent. Er, yeah, still not holding out a lot of hope for Cleopatra...
And yeah, reasonably so. Right from the beginning, we're introduced to the idea of Cleopatra before she's even introduced in the plot -- in just the first few panels she's already being referred to as the most beautiful woman who ever lived, the "Siren of the Nile," and people are inquiring if Stark thinks he could get in her bed. Because when someone is leaving on an important archaeological journey, the most rational thing to ask them about is how likely they'd be able to bang Cleopatra.
And by the way, Heck's not winning any points with almost completely ignoring the mustache in the beginning here.
That whole debacle dies down and we're introduced to Tony's archaeo buddy, this cutie with a van dyck, who is trying to locate Hatap's Tomb, but needs Tony to help out because he's a genius. Tony instead agrees to call Iron Man to locate the tomb, even though I can't imagine it would be improbably for Tony to have some kind of transistor device he could use to locate the tomb on his own instead of needing to have Iron Man wear it. I mean, he has a pocket disintegrator ray, for crying out loud...
Tony thinks he's being so clever to call up Iron Man when really he is Iron Man, and decides to treat himself out to a fun night on the town in Cairo before returning to the excavation site as Iron Man. Apparently he has to fly back and forth between Cairo and the site, so that seems super inconvenient... I mean, I realize part of it is staying away for a while to help sell the illusion that Iron Man is a separate person somewhere far away that needs time to arrive, but... Seriously, Tony, just help out your friend with some transistors, please?
Like, he seems genuinely interested in helping, so why not? It's not like he needs to advertise Iron Man's services or something. And considering all the ridiculous things TRANSISTORS have done so far, and the fact that anything Iron Man can do, Tony should theoretically be able to do with an equivalent device that isn't attached to the suit, there's not really any reason why Iron Man should have to come here at all. I mean, besides because the plot requires Iron Man to be here or something. But then... he'd still have his attache case, so... I don't even really comprehend it on that level.
But that's enough squabbling over a minor plot point when none of these stories make much sense anyway. But that does bring us to another important topic -- Iron Man's strengths and weaknesses. Iron Man's strengths seem to be somewhat uncapped; transistor tech seems to do pretty much anything the writers want it to do, from creating illusions, changing the weather, drilling through the entire Earth, and more. Iron Man has pretty much infinite potential (... hey, he's like X from Mega Man X!) as long as the writers just use the old transistor excuse for something he does. What's weirder is, like I just mentioned, is that anything Iron Man can do, theoretically anyone should be able to do, because it's just latest-generation technology. I mean, Stark is sharing most of the his tech with the government and stuff anyway, so Iron Man is not only ridiculously powerful, but in a way, not particularly special...?
But I guess since Tony can kind of create new gadgets and abilities for Iron Man on the fly, as well as have the know-how to utilize all of these things effectively, it's really Iron Man with all the power. But then what kind of weakness balances out this power? He needs to have something really crippling or dangerous about him that his enemies could use against him, right? I mean, aside from his alter-ego Tony's basic mortality.
And we've seen that before -- he has to plug himself in. This is still a developing story so at this point he just seems to need to recharge when it's convenient for the plot, and there's not really too much detail to it. But I feel that the instance of this phenomenon that we see in this issue is a particularly telling one, and shows just how vulnerable and fragile Iron Man really is despite all his transistor magic.
Hanging out at the club, Stark suddenly notices his batteries are running dry, and starts to feel unwell. Not only does he try to immediately leave the party, but he has to have bus boys help carry him to his hotel room because he can't walk there well enough on his own. He says to himself that if they don't get him to his room in time, he'll fall completely unconscious. Considering how quick the onset of this was -- he didn't even have time to walk to his own room immediately after noticing -- that seems pretty severe!
It also raises another point -- what happens if his batteries do run out? Well, if they're out long enough, the shrapnel in his body will pierce his heart and he will die. But it seems to imply that there's a bit of a period before that where either the batteries are enough to keep the shrapnel away from his heart but not enough to help Tony maintain consciousness, or that he's able to stay a live albeit unconscious for a while after the batteries have drained fully.
So what if he had passed out in the arms of the bellboys? Would they have just taken him to his room and dumped him there? They likely would call an ambulance, right? And they're going to take Stark's clothes off, and bam, giant metal torso! So Tony has a huge weakness that he constantly has to live with, even when he's not battling. Unlike most heroes where they basically just change clothes and can choose not to use any powers publicly, Iron Man's "costume" is a vital part of his own body, and has to be carefully hidden under suits. He can't afford to even show a bit of his chest or back, much less be shirtless or naked around any other human being. And for a socialite who is constantly appearing in public, that's quite a strain, I'm sure. And of course, the batteries can run out even when he's not performing as Iron Man, so he constantly has to watch out for that. He has to be super independent and careful so he'll never get found out.
I think for all his powers, the ease with which it can all be destroyed instantly from a little slip-up is perhaps a decent balance. There's also the fact that Tony has no actual supernatural power source nor superhuman ability, so he's limited by his own humanity. We don't see a lot of this now, but this will get fleshed out a lot later, which is around where I started reading the comics.
But yeah. It's not something I honestly thought too much about before, because to be frank, I tend not to think all that critically about stuff like that and just enjoy stuff for what it is. It lets me enjoy a lot of stuff other people would be turned off by, but it also makes me less likely to appreciate more finely-crafted works of fiction for all that they are worth.
But let's get back to the story. Tony manages to get to his hotel room safely and discreetly, lying on the floor and immediately plugging himself in. I have to admit, there's something sexy about Tony collapsed on the floor next to a power outlet panting to himself while his batteries recharge. I mean, it's probably just the sprawled-on-the-floor-panting thing, but...
Iron Man is ready the next day to go help out Paul and his excavation crew locate the tomb of King Hatap. The crew talks about how you'd have to use magic to see through walls, but Iron Man assures them it's nothing magical, just the power of modern science! All he has to put on these special fluoroscope goggles and--
... Wait.
God-fucking-dammit, Tony, I told you, there was no need for Iron Man to come here! Anyone can put on some damned glasses! Are you serious?! In fact, it would probably be harder for Iron Man since he has to strap those things to his stupid capsule face! Why didn't you just give the goggles to Paul or wear them yourself?! I guess it's a good thing you went back to Cairo, though, because you ended up needing a charge but... seriously, omfg.
Anyway, He looks around at the wall a bit and finds the tomb, and then brings out some diamond-encrusted drills or something that will make the excavation faster. Again, not something you need Iron Man's suit for. Diamonds are not some kind of special superhero thing. Everyone knows diamonds.
So they go inside and find Hatap's sarcophagus and blab about it for a little, then head back to camp. But then Paul realizes that the Hatap's remains have been stolen! Stealing mummies is such a SaGa thing; it's nice to see it show up here. Now we just need a necro boat.
Paul creates some search parties and everyone runs around. Tony offers to stay behind and watch over the camp. But once everyone is gone, someone approaches him from within his own tent!
The mystery fellow introduces himself as King Hatap himself, to whom Stark calls Bunk. Yes, he uses "Bunk!" more than once in this episode. Basically, Hatap reveals that he never actually died but instead drank a magic potion that let him go into stasis for thousands of years and now he finally woke up from inside his sarcophagus and for some reason speaks English and knows who Tony is and is going to teleport them through time so he can kill Cleopatra.
We see Tony and Hatap flying on a magical time chariot... and Tony somehow knows what is going on, despite all of this happening over the course of a few seconds. He's so scientifically genius that he even understands the supernatural! But if it's understood by humans and clearly exists in the world, wouldn't it just be... regular-natural? I don't know. The logic has already completely fallen apart here, way worse than why you might need Iron Man to put on some goggles, so we really should just stop questioning. I feel like every month we reach a point-of-no-return in the magazine where we have to stop questioning lest we'll never finish the issue.
Tony and Hatap arrive in ancient Egypt, which Stark knows must be true because he can't see the camp... No questions, no questions...
For some reason the two are somewhat separated, with Tony atop a large hill and Hatap near its base. Hatap tells Tony that he must follow his orders now, but instead, Tony rolls down the hill in the opposite direction to try to make some time to change into Iron Man, because for some reason he was able to bring his attache case with him. Wait, so if he's able to turn into Iron Man for the action part by hanging around as Tony anyway, it's not even important for the plot for Iron Man to have to come out just to put the goggles on and...
... ... ...
NO QUESTIONS, NO QUESTIONS
So Tony rolls down the hill and manages to change into Iron Man and bury his attache before Hatap can catch up. He starts flying around and Hatap thinks it's some kind of metal monster bird that must have killed Tony and runs away. Iron Man decides to go find Cleopatra's court, noting that he won't be able to recharge any of his systems until he returned to the present. Shouldn't he carry around a few batteries to snack on or something? Or like, can't he just like, idk, bang a couple rocks together and inhale the spark or something...?
Somehow, Iron Man is easily able to find Cleopatra's place. There are Romans attacking, and Iron Mans them off by like catching and throwing fireballs or something. I don't even know. We're well into no-question territory, so just go with it.
Iron Man learns Cleo had already fled, so he catches up to her boat and saves her from another Roman attack. He finally gets to meet her, and of course the very first thing we see of her is her sultry pose and Iron Man commenting about how she's even hotter than her historical representation.
Even though the issue's cover and premise seems like it should have been leading up to this moment to really begin, there's hardly anything left of this story. Basically Iron Man lets Cleopatra know that Hatap is after her, then goes to find Hatap himself. He needs to make sure he gets Hatap's magic doohickey back so he can make sure to return to the present (though he gives serious consideration to staying in the past because Cleo is just that hot). He finds Hatap, squirts some oil at him so that he drops the doohickey, and then Hatap accidentally trips and falls into a sword that is for some reason on the ground nearby and sticking up in the perfect-to-stab-a-falling-person position.
Cleopatra admits she's in love with Iron Man and indeed wants him in her bed, but Iron Man disappears because of the doohickey and returns to the present, where we get the painfully expected jokes of people still asking Tony if he thinks he'd have a chance with Cleopatra, because, hehe, I guess he did.
So yeah, Cleopatra was hardly even a part of the story and basically existed solely to be the object of this joke, I guess. Despite appearing on the cover and being repeatedly mentioned for the whole first page.
... And that's the end of this episode. I forgot to talk about the side-stories last time, but we had some more creepy Lieber drawings that at least this time had a mustache. This time we get a written short story entitled "The Tree," which sounds terribly thrilling, and two more mini-comics after our main feature.
We get another Larry Lieber comic this time, and the style seems to have drastically improved from the last couple of issues. It also features a super hot petit handlebar named Wentsworth as the villain. Lieber seems to like making his baddies have facial hair. The other side story... I don't want to get into another the-60's-were-super-racist discussion so we'll just leave it forgotten.
So let's move right on to this issue's Handsome Tonys!
We only got four this time that really spoke to me on a, uh, physical level, and there were a lot of Tonys to look at this time around. So it looks like Heck isn't living up to his promises he gave us in the first issue, and Kirby has really overtaken the lead from behind. Definitely not what I was expecting when I started paying attention to who drew what, but an entertaining turn of events nonetheless.
Until next time, keep stachin'~
